Death vs. Divorce

I have heard more than once that divorce is like death. I have thought about it and beg to differ. I think they are only alike in that they are both a loss and have to be grieved. I find that they are totally different. Here are my differences.

In death, you know that person still loved you. In divorce, you wonder if the person EVER loved you.

In death, you know that person is in a better place. In divorce, you hope you are never in the same place. You still have to deal with that person every day and all of their behaviors that contributed your divorce. You have to be together in social situations and pretend that everything is fine: church, family gatherings such as children's weddings graduations, etc. For many years, the wounds are reopened, sometimes, salt thrown on them.

In death, you know that you will be with that person again eternally and your family will be forever. In divorce, more than likely, you will not ever be with that person again, even eternally, and you might not want to. Your family is not forever. You think about changing the words to the familiar song to, "Some Families Can Be Together Forever."

In death, people gather around you and send flowers and make you dinner and clean your house and bring you brownies. In divorce, people don't talk to you because they think divorce is contagious. They look at you like a 'deer caught in the headlights' and then turn the other way. And they certainly don't bring you brownies.

In death, you still believe everything you have been taught. You find comfort in the Plan of Happiness. In divorce, you believe nothing you have been taught. You question marriage and it's sanctity. Everything seems like a lie. You don't know what you believe anymore. You wonder if you will ever find happiness again.

In death, death is natural. Heavenly Father decided to call them home. In divorce, the other person used their agency and decided to leave you and reject you and everything that you ever offered them.

In death, you have righteous desires to do what is right to guarantee personal salvation which can lead to exaltation. In divorce, you wonder why you can't have an eternal family because it is a righteous desire. Then you have to be reminded that marriage involves two people that have their agency.

In death, you don't get blamed. Unless your spouse was murdered, then you might be suspect. In divorce, even thought no one says it out loud, people blame you. "If only she would have fixed herself up... If only she wasn't so fat... If only she wasn't such a bitch... If only she wouldn't have spent so much time with her friends." Actually, that last one was said out loud. The first thing my mother asked me when I told her we were getting divorced was, "Is is because you spend so much time with Jean and Jennifer?" I couldn't believe it! I wanted to say "Yes! that's it! My marriage of 25 years is over because I spend too much time with my friends" I don't even know where that came from because in the first place it's not even close to being true. And in the second place, well, ugh!

In death, I wonder if spouses left behind are suicidal. I bet they are. That might be one thing that death and divorce have in common.

I'll probably think of more. Maybe one day I will write a book.

Bucket list - 1,000 books

I am working on my bucket list which is to read a 1,000 books. I am trying to find all of the books I have ever read on GoodReads so if you get a lot of updates from me, sorry in advance.

An Affair Ended

My affair with Facebook is over. At least for now. It was just too much public exposure. I have been the subject of some nasty gossip. Actually, sometimes I think gossip about me is funny. I say sarcastic things or things that aren't quite true or that have double meanings just because I like the shock value. I don't know why I enjoy that, I just do. I guess that is the only fun I have is messing with peoples' minds.

This gossip was actually true and it really hurt. I had told a few people something in confidence and the next thing I know they have told two friends, and they told two friends and so on and so on.

I have to have a place to write so I decided to go back to my blog. I know the two people that read this and I love them and trust them.

It really stinks to lose your husband, your best friend and a potential best friend all in one year. Wow! It is so very painful. This growing and changing is for the birds. I've learned my lessson.

It makes we want to go back to the way I was when I would not talk to anyone but I don't think I can go back. That way was not healthy either. I will just have to really, really test people with my feelings and thoughts before I can share them. I thought I had done that with these people. Of course I did! I thought for sure I could trust them or I wouldn't have told them! Right?

Ok, I'm rambling. Lesson learned.

Nauvoo-Day 5

We got up and got ready for church. Some of the group as running late. We tried to find the church by the GPS. We thought we followed the directions but we couldn't find it. We went back to the motel to start over. Then we noticed a brown municipal sign across the street that pointed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Ugh! a block from the hotel. When we got to the church parking lot we could see out hotel and vice versa. We hurried in and looked for seats. Of course, there were not 15 together. We broke up into small groups and tried not to be noticed. The ward must have had a lot of announcements and ward business because we made it in time for sacrament.

I couldn't help but look around and notice that all wards are basically the same. There are the newlyweds, the young parents with unruly children, the teenagers who don't want to be there, the older couples, and the single parents that look like it took every ounce of energy to get there (which it probably did).

Back in the van, one of the youth asked if we thought the building was weird looking. This one looked like it had been built in the early 70s. I pointed that out. It was also dark and Roxanne and I pointed out that we were already used to our bright beautiful, colorful new building. Roxanne also pointed out that the chapels were built to fit into the local architecture, which is why the temples all look so different. This one also had a beautiful stain glass of the Savior carrying the lost "one". The kids commented about that. Roxanne explained that it was more of an expense now to be able to put them in all of the meeting houses but that a lot of the temples have stained glass.

We went back to the hotel and changed and headed to Carthage. Of course it was a wonderful, powerful tour. We were in quite a large group so I hope that the kids got to hear everything and feel the spirit.

After much deliberation, because of time, distance and things missed in Nauvoo by some of the group we decided to go ahead and go to Adam-ondi-Ahman. I'm soooo glad we did. (It was my vote all along). It's really hard to explain the power of AoA. The spirit was so strong and the feelings so personal. Roxanne had called ahead to her friends Bill and Fran Miller. They had arranged for the Stake Patriarch to come and speak to us. We sat and listened to the explanation of what would happen one day at AoA. I learned a lot. It was absolutely beautiful and pristine landscape. We walked down a path to see Preacher's Rock. It is said that Adam once walked an preached here and maybe even Nephi but, definitely Joseph Smith, Jr. Below Preacher's rock was a valley. Everyone kind of split up and went off to meditate. Some went to take pictures. i had the privilege of sitting by one of the Young Women and listening to her bear one of the most powerful testimonies I have ever heard. Another one of the Young Women stopped by and did the same thing. It was just absolutely amazing. It's also so reassuring to know that the youth of our ward have such a deep and true understanding of the gospel and the BIG picture. They really get it.

For me, going to AoA was like getting baptized. When I left, I never wanted to sin again. I wanted to make sure that I was righteous enough to return when the Savior does. I felt great strength, like I was ready to fight the adversary. I was disappointed when I woke up Monday morning and it wasn't the millennium.

46

I got this idea from my friend Robin. It is 46 facts that you might not know about me. And i use the number 46 because today was my 46th brithday.

1. I was born in Pasadena, Texas.
2. My first car was a blue 1972 VW Superbeetle. At the same time, my mom owned a VW van. Best cars ever.
3. I attended BYU-Hawaii for one semester in 1984. I made the Dean's List.
4. I went to a Hank Williams, Jr. concert. Peer pressure.
5. When I was younger, all the girls liked Donny Osmond and the color purple because it was his favorite color. I couldn't like him because everyone else did. I said I liked his brother Jimmy and my favorite color was blue. Now I think Donny Osmond is a cutie-patootie and have admitted that my favorite color is purple and has been all along.
6. I once drove from Utah to Indiana in a stolen VW. Best college memory.
7. In fourth grade, I fell out of a tree and sprained my arm.
8. In fourth grade, I broke my arm playing tackle football with my brother and his friends. Same arm.
9. I have an Associate Degree in Travel and Tourism, BYU 1987, an Associate Degree in General Education, LSCC 2004 and a Bachelor's Degree in Vocational Education and Industry Training, 2006. That's right the 24 year plan, don't judge me. Took me a while to decide on a major.
10. I don't like my food to touch on my plate.
11. In September 2002, I completed a mini-triathlon.
12. I've done two 5-ks. From the looks of me now, 11 and 12 seem unbelievable.
13. I had a dachshund/poodle mix dog named "Spike"
14. I love Jimmy Buffet and John Mellencamp.
15. I lived in Helaman Halls at BYU one semester.
16. I worked at H & R Block for a tax season in 1991.
17. I don't like onions mixed in my food but I will eat onion rings.
18. I can curl my tongue.
19. I had to google tongue to see how to spell it. In sixth grade, I kept getting it wrong on my spelling tests. It still doesn't look right to me.
20. I consider myself a pretty good speller.
21. I'm right-handed.
22. I played the clarinet in middle school and high school.
23. I was the lead in the 5th grade play.
24. I was the top-seller of girl scout cookies, back in the day.
25. I like to roller skate, but not in a herd of buffalo.
26. My favorite shows growing up were Happy Days, M*A*S*H* and Gilligan's Island.
27. My favorite book was Harriet the Spy. I was disappointed in the movie. I like my imagination version better.
28. If you text me, I will text you back.
29. I have been in the same book club for 4 years.
30. I've never lived in a house or apartment that has a dishwasher. (The non-human kind)
31. One of my first jobs was rebuilding and repairing vacuum cleaners.
32. I have 267 friends on facebook. Three of them, I have never met in person.
33. I have been to England, France, Switzerland and Germany.
34. I took French in high school.
35. I have been to most of the 50 states except Alaska and whatever states are above New York.
36. I like to camp.
37. My middle name is Carey.
38. I like to blog.
39. I have had three c-sections, my gall bladder removed and my appendix removed and some female surgeries. I'm a pro.
40. I like to sit at airports and people watch and make up stories about them.
41. In middle school, in the comments section of my report card, I had the following comments: "Disrespectful Attitude" and from another teacher "Sarcastic Remarks". I had to call the teachers and apologize. In high school, I was a star pupil. In my adult life, I think I have reverted back to my middle school attitude. Go figure.
42. I teach struggling middle school students. Karma will get you EVERY time!
43. My car's name is Franklin, after the turtle.
44. I fall asleep in movies.
45. I sucked my thumb til I was 12, maybe longer. (Don't judge)
46. My front teeth are fake because my boyfriend pulled me off of the stage at church and knocked one out and killed the other.
    

Nauvoo-Day 4

We got to town early because we wanted to get tickets to the wagon ride. We did. We all went to see the movie Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration. Two thumbs way up!

We broke up into two groups again. My group went to a lot of the houses on the flats. We were to meet again at 12:30 for the wagon ride at 1:00. We got a text from the other group that the wagon ride had been cancelled because the heat index was too high. Whatever, we're from Florida. We'll drive the wagon. JK. I know it's for the animals just as much as it is for the humans. We don't want anyone keeling over on our watch. We were sitting in the tiny, little Pendleton School house when the torrential downpour started. We had to wait a little while. The other group came and looked in the window. We wouldn't let them in. Seriously, there was no room. Plus, it was funny. About ten minutes later, we all met at the Family Living Center and spent quite a bit of time waiting out the rain.

After the rain, we went to Brigham Young's house. On the way out, we saw a crab apple tree and the kids gave them a taste. They said they were sour but tasty.

We then took our walk down Parley Street.

On 30 June 2002, during the final dedicatory service of the rebuilt Nauvoo temple, President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke of Parley Street, which leads to the site of the old Nauvoo Ferry, from which the early Nauvoo Saints began their trek to the Salt Lake Valley. Then he extended a heartfelt request that those present in the temple take time open leaving the service to walk down Parley Street. He asked that as they did so, they think of a young pioneer family and imagine the difficulty of leaving a comfortable home and departing for an unknown destination. A Walk Down Parley Street, Petty, James W. Ensign August, 2003

A few of us stopped in the Seventies Hall so Melena could look up one of her relatives. That was nifty.

Some of us went shopping in the Red Brick Store and then we all walked over to the graves of Joseph, Emma and Hyrum. We sat on the bench and Sister Ingalls explained about the Community of Christ.

We decided that we needed to get as much done as possible in Nauvoo because the next day was Sunday. Some wanted to go shopping for souvenirs. Sister Ingalls said we would go to Keokuk that night for dinner. Several groups went different ways. Me, I got to do the fun part. I got to do a load of laundry. Most of it was mine and Jensen's anyway. She had worn her church shirt on the wrong day even after writing down her outfits on a card. The kids had actually listened to what I said about packing and had packed enough outfits, amazing.

Some of the kids were starving so decided to go ahead and eat. The restaurant they went to was right across from the laundry mat so I went and sat with them. The food looked disgusting so I decided to wait for Keokuk.

One group got finished early. They saw me putting the laundry in the van so they decided to sit in the van and wait. I walked around the back of the van to go to town and the rest of the groups. I noticed that the bumper on the back of the van was pushed in and punctured. I had not noticed this before. When Roxanne got to the van she looked at it. She didn't remember it being that way either. She had walked around the van when she rented it and pointed out every little ding and scratch so that she would not get charged for it. I could tell she was really upset and worried. We figured that someone had backed into us and then fled. And in the temple parking lot!

We carried on with our plans for dinner in Keokuk. Most of the restaurants that were on the GPS were no longer in business or just looked rather skank. We decide on a cute little Mexican restaurant which can be rather dicey. It had all of the signs of authenticity when we walked in. The dinner was rather tasty and worth the wait. Not the best I have ever had but tasty.

Back at the motel we were able to get in another night of swimming and jacuzzi-ing. Sans boys. Yea! (They're just so loud and splashy)

Nauvoo-Day 3

We slept in a little then got to Nauvoo about 11am. We went to the visitor’s center and picked up tickets for the High Hopes and Riverboats show at 5:00pm. My good friend Chris Daly and reserved tickets for us. She also arranged for us to a baptismal session at the temple. She’s awesome like that.

After looking around the visitor’s center we headed up to the temple. We had to be there by noon for a 12:30 session. We walked up right as Chris and Janet were going in the temple. Chris was a big help in pointing us in the right direction and Janet was able to do baptisms with us. Also, because of Chris’ connections the youth were able to see the spiral staircase, the assembly hall and Joseph Smith’s sword.

After the baptisms, I was going to stay and do an endowment session. I rented my clothes but forgot to rent shoes!!!! So I was too late. They were going to hold the elevator but i said no that was ok. I don’t like to be stressed. The lady suggested I do initiatories or sealings. I did initiatories. I’m glad I did because I needed to hear those things again.

I was able to finish in about an hour. I knew the rest of the group was going to the Nauvoo Bakery for lunch so I started walking that way. I thought, if I meet up with them fine, if I don’t, that’s fine too. I figured I would either walk to the Daly’s or walk down to the flats and find them. I walked up to the Bakery and there they were! Roxanne, again, was gracious enough to wait while I ordered my food.

We went down to the flats and went our separate ways to visit some of the houses. I sat on a bench and ate my sandwich. While I was there I met a woman form the American Colonies in Mexico. She told me a little about her life there. There are things that I hear in church history that are mentioned in one sentence and I never think much more about it. Brigham Young sent saints to colonize Mexico. It’s weird to think that the colonies still exist. I shared this with Roxanne and she told me that that is where her daughter-in-law Jess is from. Small world.

At 5:00 we went to see High Hopes and Riverboats. for some reason when I get in dark, air-conditioned room and sit down to watch a show, I fall asleep. Today was no exception. I still don’t know what it is about. I think it is about a young lady that has to choose between two men.

Next, on the agenda was Sunset on the Mississippi. It was sooo hot that the show was moved inside. The first theatre was full so they were projecting it in the second theater. Some of us went in there and some went on to the pageant. I was disappointed with the projection but we sat through it anyway.

My group then went to the pageant. The first group had saved us front row seats. Before the pageant they have a State fair where kids can play pioneer games or dance or other stuff. We had hot dogs and nachos and snow cones.

The pageant was outstanding, of course. This was about the third time I had seen it and I noticed and learned new things. The message was great. My group and I had to use the restroom. We were gong to wait because we thought the lines would be really long, but we knew it was a long ride back to Quincy. On our hike over a nice gentleman came and offered us a ride on the golf cart. About 7 of us piled on. Some of the girls decided they didn’t have to potty so they got the driver to take them to the van. Ugh! When we were finished we had to walk all the way to the van!

We got lost on the way back to Quincy. All of the intersections look the same when it is dark and you are in the countryside of Illinois. We eventually found our way back thanks to Ramona’s GPS and Roxanne’s gut instinct. Some of the kids didn’t understand that they were supposed to eat dinner at the fair. None of the fast food restaurants looked inviting so we stopped at the local grocery store and all who were hungry found something to eat. Luckily, they had a good deli.