Acceptance and Forgiveness

"Tell me about she good times," she said.

I replied, "There weren't any."

"Surely there was something. You were in it for 25 years. You wouldn't have stayed that long if there were nothing good," she prodded for a better answer.

"I got nothing", I said blankly.

She replied, "You've got your kids."

Perking up and almost defensive, I answer, "Of course, they are the good part. They are the reason I keep going. The reason I keep choosing to live. They are fantastic!"

She continues to question, "Tell me something else."

I'm shaking my head "No". Staring ahead and trying to find something in the dark recesses of my mind. Again I answer, "I got nothing."

She lets it go for now. She knows it will come later, and it does.

After all of the pain,
the heartache,
the anger,
the rage, oh, the rage
the vindictiveness,
the revenge,
the crying,
the screaming,
the spite,
the spewing,


after it's all gone,

then I remember...

I remember the good times. I remember the friendship. I remember the laughter. I remember the funny. I remember.

Now I can mourn the loss of the good times. I cry. I cry some more.

Maybe this is acceptance. Maybe this is forgiveness. I hope so. I'm ready.

Maybe we can be friends.