Suppositories and 2 Hours of Sleep

Last Friday, we took Madison to the airport. Her flight left at 6:30 am. Yes, am. So we had to get up at 3:45 and leave by 4:15. There was no way we were going to heed the advice to get there two hours before your flight leaves. We were going to take a chance with 45 minutes.

On Thursday night, I had to work until 8. When I got home, I had to spend every last second with Madison. It had been a year since I had last seen her and it might be another year before I see her again. We had dinner, I helped her finish packing, we played Monopoly Deal. Before we knew it it was 1 am. We decided we all wanted to get a couple of hours of a nap. Of course, that was in vain, but we gave it a shot.

We got her safely to the airport with time to spare. It was sad to see her go. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I love her so much.

Ok, back to the story. This is supposed to be funny. I don't like to use my sick or personal days unless I absolutely have to. I was gonna muddle through Friday even half dead. On to school I went.

I teach 6th grade science during 5th period. My co-teacher and I are trying to teach them the skill of note-taking. They were grumbling and complaining about the copious notes.

Student: "Will we have to take notes in 8th grade?"

Me: "Yes!" "And on Florida Writes that you take in the 8th grade you have to write a several paragraph essay like you did in 4th grade, so get used to writing."

Student: "Aren't there different kinds of essays? Like narrative?..."

Me: "Yes, narrative and suppository and persuasive..."

I keep writing notes on the board and then it hits me.

I turn around to my co-teacher, "Did I just say suppository?"

She is laughing hysterically.

Me: "I guess I did! I guess that is what happens when I get two hours of sleep!"

weird

You know what's really weird? The man that you were madly in love with for 27 years, married to for 25 years, soulmates, father of your 3 beautiful children, the man you shared everything with, body, mind and spirit, the man you thought you were going to be with for eternity, the man you laughed with, you cried with, the man you were inseperable from, seeing him at church and only acknowledging with a glance like he was someone who looks familiar but you're not sure from where. That's weird. And heartbreaking.

Death vs. Divorce

I have heard more than once that divorce is like death. I have thought about it and beg to differ. I think they are only alike in that they are both a loss and have to be grieved. I find that they are totally different. Here are my differences.

In death, you know that person still loved you. In divorce, you wonder if the person EVER loved you.

In death, you know that person is in a better place. In divorce, you hope you are never in the same place. You still have to deal with that person every day and all of their behaviors that contributed your divorce. You have to be together in social situations and pretend that everything is fine: church, family gatherings such as children's weddings graduations, etc. For many years, the wounds are reopened, sometimes, salt thrown on them.

In death, you know that you will be with that person again eternally and your family will be forever. In divorce, more than likely, you will not ever be with that person again, even eternally, and you might not want to. Your family is not forever. You think about changing the words to the familiar song to, "Some Families Can Be Together Forever."

In death, people gather around you and send flowers and make you dinner and clean your house and bring you brownies. In divorce, people don't talk to you because they think divorce is contagious. They look at you like a 'deer caught in the headlights' and then turn the other way. And they certainly don't bring you brownies.

In death, you still believe everything you have been taught. You find comfort in the Plan of Happiness. In divorce, you believe nothing you have been taught. You question marriage and it's sanctity. Everything seems like a lie. You don't know what you believe anymore. You wonder if you will ever find happiness again.

In death, death is natural. Heavenly Father decided to call them home. In divorce, the other person used their agency and decided to leave you and reject you and everything that you ever offered them.

In death, you have righteous desires to do what is right to guarantee personal salvation which can lead to exaltation. In divorce, you wonder why you can't have an eternal family because it is a righteous desire. Then you have to be reminded that marriage involves two people that have their agency.

In death, you don't get blamed. Unless your spouse was murdered, then you might be suspect. In divorce, even thought no one says it out loud, people blame you. "If only she would have fixed herself up... If only she wasn't so fat... If only she wasn't such a bitch... If only she wouldn't have spent so much time with her friends." Actually, that last one was said out loud. The first thing my mother asked me when I told her we were getting divorced was, "Is is because you spend so much time with Jean and Jennifer?" I couldn't believe it! I wanted to say "Yes! that's it! My marriage of 25 years is over because I spend too much time with my friends" I don't even know where that came from because in the first place it's not even close to being true. And in the second place, well, ugh!

In death, I wonder if spouses left behind are suicidal. I bet they are. That might be one thing that death and divorce have in common.

I'll probably think of more. Maybe one day I will write a book.

Bucket list - 1,000 books

I am working on my bucket list which is to read a 1,000 books. I am trying to find all of the books I have ever read on GoodReads so if you get a lot of updates from me, sorry in advance.

An Affair Ended

My affair with Facebook is over. At least for now. It was just too much public exposure. I have been the subject of some nasty gossip. Actually, sometimes I think gossip about me is funny. I say sarcastic things or things that aren't quite true or that have double meanings just because I like the shock value. I don't know why I enjoy that, I just do. I guess that is the only fun I have is messing with peoples' minds.

This gossip was actually true and it really hurt. I had told a few people something in confidence and the next thing I know they have told two friends, and they told two friends and so on and so on.

I have to have a place to write so I decided to go back to my blog. I know the two people that read this and I love them and trust them.

It really stinks to lose your husband, your best friend and a potential best friend all in one year. Wow! It is so very painful. This growing and changing is for the birds. I've learned my lessson.

It makes we want to go back to the way I was when I would not talk to anyone but I don't think I can go back. That way was not healthy either. I will just have to really, really test people with my feelings and thoughts before I can share them. I thought I had done that with these people. Of course I did! I thought for sure I could trust them or I wouldn't have told them! Right?

Ok, I'm rambling. Lesson learned.

Nauvoo-Day 5

We got up and got ready for church. Some of the group as running late. We tried to find the church by the GPS. We thought we followed the directions but we couldn't find it. We went back to the motel to start over. Then we noticed a brown municipal sign across the street that pointed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Ugh! a block from the hotel. When we got to the church parking lot we could see out hotel and vice versa. We hurried in and looked for seats. Of course, there were not 15 together. We broke up into small groups and tried not to be noticed. The ward must have had a lot of announcements and ward business because we made it in time for sacrament.

I couldn't help but look around and notice that all wards are basically the same. There are the newlyweds, the young parents with unruly children, the teenagers who don't want to be there, the older couples, and the single parents that look like it took every ounce of energy to get there (which it probably did).

Back in the van, one of the youth asked if we thought the building was weird looking. This one looked like it had been built in the early 70s. I pointed that out. It was also dark and Roxanne and I pointed out that we were already used to our bright beautiful, colorful new building. Roxanne also pointed out that the chapels were built to fit into the local architecture, which is why the temples all look so different. This one also had a beautiful stain glass of the Savior carrying the lost "one". The kids commented about that. Roxanne explained that it was more of an expense now to be able to put them in all of the meeting houses but that a lot of the temples have stained glass.

We went back to the hotel and changed and headed to Carthage. Of course it was a wonderful, powerful tour. We were in quite a large group so I hope that the kids got to hear everything and feel the spirit.

After much deliberation, because of time, distance and things missed in Nauvoo by some of the group we decided to go ahead and go to Adam-ondi-Ahman. I'm soooo glad we did. (It was my vote all along). It's really hard to explain the power of AoA. The spirit was so strong and the feelings so personal. Roxanne had called ahead to her friends Bill and Fran Miller. They had arranged for the Stake Patriarch to come and speak to us. We sat and listened to the explanation of what would happen one day at AoA. I learned a lot. It was absolutely beautiful and pristine landscape. We walked down a path to see Preacher's Rock. It is said that Adam once walked an preached here and maybe even Nephi but, definitely Joseph Smith, Jr. Below Preacher's rock was a valley. Everyone kind of split up and went off to meditate. Some went to take pictures. i had the privilege of sitting by one of the Young Women and listening to her bear one of the most powerful testimonies I have ever heard. Another one of the Young Women stopped by and did the same thing. It was just absolutely amazing. It's also so reassuring to know that the youth of our ward have such a deep and true understanding of the gospel and the BIG picture. They really get it.

For me, going to AoA was like getting baptized. When I left, I never wanted to sin again. I wanted to make sure that I was righteous enough to return when the Savior does. I felt great strength, like I was ready to fight the adversary. I was disappointed when I woke up Monday morning and it wasn't the millennium.

46

I got this idea from my friend Robin. It is 46 facts that you might not know about me. And i use the number 46 because today was my 46th brithday.

1. I was born in Pasadena, Texas.
2. My first car was a blue 1972 VW Superbeetle. At the same time, my mom owned a VW van. Best cars ever.
3. I attended BYU-Hawaii for one semester in 1984. I made the Dean's List.
4. I went to a Hank Williams, Jr. concert. Peer pressure.
5. When I was younger, all the girls liked Donny Osmond and the color purple because it was his favorite color. I couldn't like him because everyone else did. I said I liked his brother Jimmy and my favorite color was blue. Now I think Donny Osmond is a cutie-patootie and have admitted that my favorite color is purple and has been all along.
6. I once drove from Utah to Indiana in a stolen VW. Best college memory.
7. In fourth grade, I fell out of a tree and sprained my arm.
8. In fourth grade, I broke my arm playing tackle football with my brother and his friends. Same arm.
9. I have an Associate Degree in Travel and Tourism, BYU 1987, an Associate Degree in General Education, LSCC 2004 and a Bachelor's Degree in Vocational Education and Industry Training, 2006. That's right the 24 year plan, don't judge me. Took me a while to decide on a major.
10. I don't like my food to touch on my plate.
11. In September 2002, I completed a mini-triathlon.
12. I've done two 5-ks. From the looks of me now, 11 and 12 seem unbelievable.
13. I had a dachshund/poodle mix dog named "Spike"
14. I love Jimmy Buffet and John Mellencamp.
15. I lived in Helaman Halls at BYU one semester.
16. I worked at H & R Block for a tax season in 1991.
17. I don't like onions mixed in my food but I will eat onion rings.
18. I can curl my tongue.
19. I had to google tongue to see how to spell it. In sixth grade, I kept getting it wrong on my spelling tests. It still doesn't look right to me.
20. I consider myself a pretty good speller.
21. I'm right-handed.
22. I played the clarinet in middle school and high school.
23. I was the lead in the 5th grade play.
24. I was the top-seller of girl scout cookies, back in the day.
25. I like to roller skate, but not in a herd of buffalo.
26. My favorite shows growing up were Happy Days, M*A*S*H* and Gilligan's Island.
27. My favorite book was Harriet the Spy. I was disappointed in the movie. I like my imagination version better.
28. If you text me, I will text you back.
29. I have been in the same book club for 4 years.
30. I've never lived in a house or apartment that has a dishwasher. (The non-human kind)
31. One of my first jobs was rebuilding and repairing vacuum cleaners.
32. I have 267 friends on facebook. Three of them, I have never met in person.
33. I have been to England, France, Switzerland and Germany.
34. I took French in high school.
35. I have been to most of the 50 states except Alaska and whatever states are above New York.
36. I like to camp.
37. My middle name is Carey.
38. I like to blog.
39. I have had three c-sections, my gall bladder removed and my appendix removed and some female surgeries. I'm a pro.
40. I like to sit at airports and people watch and make up stories about them.
41. In middle school, in the comments section of my report card, I had the following comments: "Disrespectful Attitude" and from another teacher "Sarcastic Remarks". I had to call the teachers and apologize. In high school, I was a star pupil. In my adult life, I think I have reverted back to my middle school attitude. Go figure.
42. I teach struggling middle school students. Karma will get you EVERY time!
43. My car's name is Franklin, after the turtle.
44. I fall asleep in movies.
45. I sucked my thumb til I was 12, maybe longer. (Don't judge)
46. My front teeth are fake because my boyfriend pulled me off of the stage at church and knocked one out and killed the other.