Approximately 17 years ago we got our first computer. Our friend Kim Spears came over and got us set up. We brainstormed what our online identity would be. It needed to represent Lew and I and it needed to be somewhat professional because I was going to be doing a graphic design business. We came up with debilew5. My name, Lew's name and there were 5 people in our family. (Now that I think about it, debilew was our original identity. The 5 was added sometime after Jensen was born) I'm pretty sure Kim came up with it. She said it was like Desilu at the end of "I Love Lucy", a combination of Desi Arnaz, Jr. and Lucille Ball. She said those two were almost as funny as Lew and I.
Debilew5 became our identity for EVERYTHING! Bank accounts, emails, utilities, church roster, the list is endless it seems. As I approach this new phase of my life I realize that I need to change my online identity. After much thought and consideration I came up with debiphoenix352. It's still me and the other half is my personal identity at this time in my life. (See name change post) The 352 is my area code. I know, lame but still kinda gangsta. When I was trying names the computer kept coming back with "This logon is taken, taken, taken" or "not strong enough" so I had to add numbers and my area code was what came into my mind.
I am spending my time retiring the Debilew5. It served it's purpose and now it's time to move on. This task is going to take a while. My therapist said that she has been divorced 5 years and she just had to contact her ex because his name was still on the Sun Pass account. We don't realize the how enmeshed we are in someones life until we have to unenmesh. (Is that a word? it is today)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Addendum to Death vs. Divorce
People DO bring you brownies/brownie cake when you get divorced. Thank you Kristen Higley it really lifted my spirits. Delish!
And I got a super sweet note from Robin Evans. I have the BEST friends.
And I got a super sweet note from Robin Evans. I have the BEST friends.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Are you really there?
Do you know what else is weird? The Primary song, "A Child's Prayer". Not the song but the fact that I only know the first sentence. "Heavenly Father, are you really there?" That's all I remember. I never did learn the whole song. It seems that is how my prayers start out every night. I sing that part of the song. Sometimes I don't know what I believe. And then I remember. Yeah, He's there.
(Don't judge me because that's the only part of the song I know)
(Don't judge me because that's the only part of the song I know)
Maiden Name
I talked to my friend who just went through a divorce. She said it costs $400 to do a name change and then the judge could still deny your request. The only name you can go back to without a lot of hassle is your maiden name, thanks to the Patriot Act. I guess Stanford causes less pain right now, so Stanford it is. Back to Deborah Carey Stanford.
Monday, January 17, 2011
New Last Name
During my divorce procedures I will have the chance to change my last name. If my children were still little, I would just keep Clayton for ease in filling out school papers. Since they are grown and have their own identity, I will take on my new identity.
A lot of women use their maiden name but since I only feel pain when I think of my biological father I do not want to honor him by using his name. Although it is a cool name, Stanford.
My therapist suggested I could use my middle name as a surname. Deborah Carey. It works because it is spelled like a surname but I don't like the sound of it when I use it with my nickname, Debbie Carey. It sounds like Debbie Harry, which would remind me of the 80s rock band Blondie lead singer Debbie Harry. I don't have a "Heart of Glass", I have a "Heart of Stone".
My therapist also had a client that took on a family name from her genealogy. There are some cool names in my history like Kuper or Westmark. The only problem is I am afraid these men are also schmucks. I know for sure Kuper is. He was my mom's father who walked out on her when she was a wee little girl. Do you see a pattern here? I'm not sure there are any honorable men in our family.
I have thought about a new last name for a couple of years because I knew that divorce was inevitable. I have always been attracted to the last name Phoenix. Right now it defines what I am going through. I am just wondering that once I am through this stage of my life if I will still be attracted to it. If some cosmic shenanigans were to occur (because that is what it would take) and I were to re-marry I still don't think I will ever change my last name again. I am too old and too liberated and will be too independent.
Dictionary.com defines the phoenix as "a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope"
Another definition is "a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation."
My friend, Danette and I were texting the other night trying to think of a new name for me. Here are some that made the list: (Tell me what you think)
Darling
Black or Cullen (suggested by Melena)
Stamos (yummy)
Obama
Oreo
Bieber
Buble
Jensen, Parker or Madsion or Madparjen so no one gets jealous
Carter or Schaffer (hehe, creepy)
Cougar (since that will define my dating life)
Estrada, Venderbilt, Kennedy, Hitler, Van Dam
O'Shaunessy
Dallas
Focker
Mellencamp
Fatone
Squarepants or Squidward
Snack Cakes
Knows Her Gun, Spotted Elk, Little Mouse, Three Branches, One Bear (all of these from days in Montana)
Monson, Hinkley, Kimball, Rasband
Teets, Wise, Kirkland (to make others feel uncomfortable)
Bin Laden, Andretti, Mussolini, Michelangelo, Davinci, Mao, Lenin, Kim Confucius, Ho Chi Min (which I could shorten to Ho)
Aerosmith, Poison, Nirvana, GunsNRoses, Zeppelin, McCartney, Lennon, Ono
Versace, (it was at this point that I decided I liked alliterations) Debbie Dolce
Danette said it needed to be sexier.
Debbie Delicious? (I could lick my top lip every time I said it. Is that sexy?)
Deuce (since it is the second part of my life)
Doppelganger
Debbie Double D (we decided that would require surgery)
Debbie Daisy Duke
Dufflebutt, Dumbledore, Dumas, Dangerous
I like the one from Danette "Debbie Dozital" pronounced "Does-It-All" (I hope she meant work and not sexy)
The list is endless. I think I like Phoenix, even though it is not an alliteration.
Deborah Carey Phoenix
What do you think?
A lot of women use their maiden name but since I only feel pain when I think of my biological father I do not want to honor him by using his name. Although it is a cool name, Stanford.
My therapist suggested I could use my middle name as a surname. Deborah Carey. It works because it is spelled like a surname but I don't like the sound of it when I use it with my nickname, Debbie Carey. It sounds like Debbie Harry, which would remind me of the 80s rock band Blondie lead singer Debbie Harry. I don't have a "Heart of Glass", I have a "Heart of Stone".
My therapist also had a client that took on a family name from her genealogy. There are some cool names in my history like Kuper or Westmark. The only problem is I am afraid these men are also schmucks. I know for sure Kuper is. He was my mom's father who walked out on her when she was a wee little girl. Do you see a pattern here? I'm not sure there are any honorable men in our family.
I have thought about a new last name for a couple of years because I knew that divorce was inevitable. I have always been attracted to the last name Phoenix. Right now it defines what I am going through. I am just wondering that once I am through this stage of my life if I will still be attracted to it. If some cosmic shenanigans were to occur (because that is what it would take) and I were to re-marry I still don't think I will ever change my last name again. I am too old and too liberated and will be too independent.
Dictionary.com defines the phoenix as "a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope"
Another definition is "a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation."
My friend, Danette and I were texting the other night trying to think of a new name for me. Here are some that made the list: (Tell me what you think)
Darling
Black or Cullen (suggested by Melena)
Stamos (yummy)
Obama
Oreo
Bieber
Buble
Jensen, Parker or Madsion or Madparjen so no one gets jealous
Carter or Schaffer (hehe, creepy)
Cougar (since that will define my dating life)
Estrada, Venderbilt, Kennedy, Hitler, Van Dam
O'Shaunessy
Dallas
Focker
Mellencamp
Fatone
Squarepants or Squidward
Snack Cakes
Knows Her Gun, Spotted Elk, Little Mouse, Three Branches, One Bear (all of these from days in Montana)
Monson, Hinkley, Kimball, Rasband
Teets, Wise, Kirkland (to make others feel uncomfortable)
Bin Laden, Andretti, Mussolini, Michelangelo, Davinci, Mao, Lenin, Kim Confucius, Ho Chi Min (which I could shorten to Ho)
Aerosmith, Poison, Nirvana, GunsNRoses, Zeppelin, McCartney, Lennon, Ono
Versace, (it was at this point that I decided I liked alliterations) Debbie Dolce
Danette said it needed to be sexier.
Debbie Delicious? (I could lick my top lip every time I said it. Is that sexy?)
Deuce (since it is the second part of my life)
Doppelganger
Debbie Double D (we decided that would require surgery)
Debbie Daisy Duke
Dufflebutt, Dumbledore, Dumas, Dangerous
I like the one from Danette "Debbie Dozital" pronounced "Does-It-All" (I hope she meant work and not sexy)
The list is endless. I think I like Phoenix, even though it is not an alliteration.
Deborah Carey Phoenix
What do you think?
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Suppositories and 2 Hours of Sleep
Last Friday, we took Madison to the airport. Her flight left at 6:30 am. Yes, am. So we had to get up at 3:45 and leave by 4:15. There was no way we were going to heed the advice to get there two hours before your flight leaves. We were going to take a chance with 45 minutes.
On Thursday night, I had to work until 8. When I got home, I had to spend every last second with Madison. It had been a year since I had last seen her and it might be another year before I see her again. We had dinner, I helped her finish packing, we played Monopoly Deal. Before we knew it it was 1 am. We decided we all wanted to get a couple of hours of a nap. Of course, that was in vain, but we gave it a shot.
We got her safely to the airport with time to spare. It was sad to see her go. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I love her so much.
Ok, back to the story. This is supposed to be funny. I don't like to use my sick or personal days unless I absolutely have to. I was gonna muddle through Friday even half dead. On to school I went.
I teach 6th grade science during 5th period. My co-teacher and I are trying to teach them the skill of note-taking. They were grumbling and complaining about the copious notes.
Student: "Will we have to take notes in 8th grade?"
Me: "Yes!" "And on Florida Writes that you take in the 8th grade you have to write a several paragraph essay like you did in 4th grade, so get used to writing."
Student: "Aren't there different kinds of essays? Like narrative?..."
Me: "Yes, narrative and suppository and persuasive..."
I keep writing notes on the board and then it hits me.
I turn around to my co-teacher, "Did I just say suppository?"
She is laughing hysterically.
Me: "I guess I did! I guess that is what happens when I get two hours of sleep!"
On Thursday night, I had to work until 8. When I got home, I had to spend every last second with Madison. It had been a year since I had last seen her and it might be another year before I see her again. We had dinner, I helped her finish packing, we played Monopoly Deal. Before we knew it it was 1 am. We decided we all wanted to get a couple of hours of a nap. Of course, that was in vain, but we gave it a shot.
We got her safely to the airport with time to spare. It was sad to see her go. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I love her so much.
Ok, back to the story. This is supposed to be funny. I don't like to use my sick or personal days unless I absolutely have to. I was gonna muddle through Friday even half dead. On to school I went.
I teach 6th grade science during 5th period. My co-teacher and I are trying to teach them the skill of note-taking. They were grumbling and complaining about the copious notes.
Student: "Will we have to take notes in 8th grade?"
Me: "Yes!" "And on Florida Writes that you take in the 8th grade you have to write a several paragraph essay like you did in 4th grade, so get used to writing."
Student: "Aren't there different kinds of essays? Like narrative?..."
Me: "Yes, narrative and suppository and persuasive..."
I keep writing notes on the board and then it hits me.
I turn around to my co-teacher, "Did I just say suppository?"
She is laughing hysterically.
Me: "I guess I did! I guess that is what happens when I get two hours of sleep!"
weird
You know what's really weird? The man that you were madly in love with for 27 years, married to for 25 years, soulmates, father of your 3 beautiful children, the man you shared everything with, body, mind and spirit, the man you thought you were going to be with for eternity, the man you laughed with, you cried with, the man you were inseperable from, seeing him at church and only acknowledging with a glance like he was someone who looks familiar but you're not sure from where. That's weird. And heartbreaking.
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