Fear not

I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. I don't know why, I just am. A few weeks ago I read an article on aol.com about a woman who was facing her fears. She had lost a job that she'd had for a long time. She felt like she was starting her life all over. For some reason, that resonated with me. She decided that she would face a fear each day and record it. Luckily, she is a writer and received a huge advance for a book. Unfortunately, that is not the case for me. Nevertheless, I have decided that I need to face my fears.

Over the last few years, I have had been forced to overcome my fears whether I liked it our not. Now, as I move forward, I have will face my fears on my own...hopefully. I will face them before they face me. The author of the article would face fears like skydiving, living in a foreign country, speaking up when she had an opinion. She was trying to find her voice and be heard. Again, like me.

While I had been thinking about fear my friend Debbie Carter gave a talk in church about fear. I loved the quote she used by Thomas S. Monson, "Fear is the enemy of growth and accomplishment."

"Yes," I thought, "That's it!"

I want to grow and accomplish much.

Sometimes I feel like I am fearless but the truth of the matter is, I have lots of fears. My bucket list is full of facing my fears like bungee jumping, going on the Tower of Terror, and swimming with sharks. (That one is not really on there but it sounded cool). It's not just about the adrenaline rush.

Some of the fears I am going to be facing head on and that I may or may not record (since I'm not getting money) are:

Change-Actually I kind of like change now. Bring it on.

Money- or lack thereof. But “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30). I am trying to be prepared. This one takes a lot of faith, too. My house is in foreclosure, but I am preparing for the final day occupancy. I know that I will be taken care of and I won't be homeless. And even if I have to live in a van down by the river, that will be ok, too.

What others think- I know I am not supposed to care what others think but let's face it. We all do to some degree. I just don't want to disappoint my kids or friends or family. I value their opinion. I try not to let what others think be my guiding force and make decisions for myself.

Giving up control- this one takes faith also. I've had to really strengthen my faith and let God take control of my life.

Speaking up-It's really hard for me to express my beliefs if they differ from others. I'm getting better at it. It's also difficult for me to speak up and talk to new people. I know you're rolling your eyes and saying, "Seriously?" It's a true story.

I hope to grow much and accomplish much. Maybe one day I will get a book deal. Who knows? Myabe postmortem?